What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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