What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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