What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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