What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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