What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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