What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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