What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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