What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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