What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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