What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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