What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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