What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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