What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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