What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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