What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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