What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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