What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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