What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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