What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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